Make a list of your character defects

This is the fourth step in Al-Anon. I honestly thought it was going to be hard. I think it was more time consuming then it was hard. I had used a workbook that an AL-Anon friend had gotten for me. That had made it easier to deal with. I think there wer quit a few smaller defects that I think might be easy to take care of. Learning to trust my higher power more. Be interested in other peoples lives, but don't life my life threw there's. Don't get involved in gossip. An in general, learn to let go and give to God. I had figured out that I have one big problem that can make it hard to get over the small stuff, wich is, I think I have a paralyzing fear of change and doing what I want to do.
What started this fear is growing up with my mother who had taken the alcoholic gene and would over eat. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells when I was around her. It seemed any little thing would set her off. And when she was set off, the whole neighborhood heard about it. There were a lot of times that I would want to do something, like running cross country freshman year, she wouldn't let me do. Or what I should say is, I felt like she didn't want me to do. And there were many times in my life that I felt like she did that to me. Because of this, any time, now as an adult, I am afraid of dreaming, but to reach for those dreams. I feel that I will crash and burn as soon as I get going.
The one thing that I think will get me threw this is my higher power. I have been praying to him all the time and it really seems to help. I am still a little weary about it but it seems to help.